I Remember Lights

The first novel from award-winning poet Ben Ladouceur, I Remember Lights depicts a time when the world promised everything to everyone, however irresponsibly.

In summer 1967, love is all you need…but some forms of love are criminal. As the spectacular Expo 67 celebrations take shape, a young man new to Montreal learns about gay life from cruising partners, one-night stands, live-in lovers, and friends. Once Expo begins, he finds romance with a charismatic visitor, but their time is limited. When the fireworks wither into smoke, so do their options.

A decade later, during the notorious 1977 police raid on a gay bar called Truxx, he comes to understand even more about the bitter choice, so often made by men like him, between happiness and safety.

I Remember Lights is a vital reminder of forgotten history and a visceral exploration of the details of queer life: tribulation and joy, exile and solidarity, cruelty and fortitude.

BEN LADOUCEUR is the author of Otter, winner of the Gerald Lampert Memorial Prize, finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and selected as a National Post best book of the year, and Mad Long Emotion, winner of the Archibald Lampman Award. He is a recipient of the Writers’ Trust of Canada’s Dayne Ogilvie Prize for LGBTQ2S+ Emerging Writers and the National Magazine Award for Poetry. His short fiction has been featured in the Journey Prize Stories anthology and awarded the Thomas Morton Prize. He lives in Ottawa.

ISBN: 9781771669351
Format: Paperback
Pages: 268
Publisher: Book*hug Press
Published: April 24, 2025

“I Remember Lights serves as an important reminder to us now, as the rights of trans people and immigrants, and many other groups, are increasingly under attack, that gathering and fighting together, though it may not change everything, is nevertheless of crucial importance.” —H Felix Chau Bradley, Xtra Magazine “Immediately appealing and carefully wrought, not to mention enticing, assured, and elegant, I Remember Lights is also somehow instantly canonical–an accomplished, necessary novel that should always have been written is now, at last, in print.” —starred review, Brett Josef Grubisic, Quill & Quire“It is no wonder that Ladouceur, an accomplished poet, writes vividly and sensitively, conjuring a finely detailed portrait of Montreal in the 1960s and 1970s as well as the emotionality and intimacy of the narrator’s relationships. The novel relies heavily on character and relationships to construct its pathos, and here it particularly shines. This understated depiction of mid-century Montreal queer culture feels reparative in turbulent political times.” —Clementine Oberst, The Miramichi Reader “Ladouceur’s novel reminds us of some of Canada’s history of systemic homophobia. It also presents a very realistic portrayal of men’s experiences of living in secret in the 1960s and 1970s. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a story shining light on Canadian history and the experiences of gay men in Canada.” —Liam Hodder, The Gateway“If I Remember Lights has a message, it is one of hope, that we will never revert to a time when people were taught to hate who they are.” —Ian Colford, The Seaboard Review “I Remember Lights represents a future swelled with everything that could be gained and lost.” —Maria Cichosz, Canadian Literature “I fell in love with this book page by page. It’s compelling, heartfelt and superbly written creating an atmosphere of joy, hope and love. Ladouceur’s poetic background shines through in the lyrical quality of his prose, making this an extraordinary debut. I can’t wait to see what he writes in the future.” —5-star review, The Story Graph"Aconsuming, enchanting, convincing portrait of the past, every character and voice, from the narrator’s dearest friends and lovers to the briefest encounters with strangers, bursting with extraordinary life, verve, and wisdom. Without shying away from the realities of injustice, both history-making violence and insidious, everyday cruelties, this remains a book suffused with tenderness, radiant with hope, a beautiful reminder of what the fight for queer liberation is fighting for... I loved it with my whole heart." —Kim Fu, author of Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century“Ben Ladouceur has crafted a raw, intimate portrait of queer desire and resilience against the well-researched and cunningly detailed backdrop of Expo 67 and 1970s Montreal. At once an unflinching portrayal of historical injustices and a rallying cry for a better tomorrow, I Remember Lights represents a new, important addition to the Queer Canlit canon.” —Loghan Paylor, author of The Cure for Drowning"Ben Ladouceur shines the floodlights on gay Montreal in the '60s and '70s, taking us back in time to the fraught and uncertain pre-liberation days when it was still illegal for gay men to gather. Heartfelt and reflective, the novel packs an emotional punch, taking time to linger in the shadows and revel in all the sexual possibilities the city offered with Expo. A delicate and passionate work possessed by a hungry lust for living." — Christopher DiRaddo, author of The Family Way